I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
