I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
