Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
are you so shy because you have an std?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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