this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
