Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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