Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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