You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
