Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
