I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
