Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
