You're earring is so big in my mouth
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
