Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
