I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
