So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna