Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.