he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
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I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
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The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.