South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat