dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
