When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Your penis caused this!
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