My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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