You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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