my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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