Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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