At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you have to choose: penises or morals?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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