Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
