Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
