It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
