wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
