I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
