the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
