even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
