She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
