BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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