Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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