I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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