Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
