real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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