Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
