The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
