im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
The air taste purple.
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