Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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