Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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