I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
