I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
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It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
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Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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