The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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