A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
MIDGETS
????
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
