I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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