I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
