wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
