His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
