I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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