DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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