is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
