Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
