I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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