i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
