I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
