My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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