dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
