Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
50% drunk capacity currently
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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