Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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