Just fell off a train. Bad.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
