oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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