when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
