You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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