this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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