Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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