Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
