So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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