apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Found your dick twin last night
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
