I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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