Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
