do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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