WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
