fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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