Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
