I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Someone shattered a urinal.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
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I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
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And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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