People in love make me want to vomit
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
