You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
