It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
