i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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