I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
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