I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
