I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
