Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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