I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
